Loving Yourself for Relationship Peace of Mind

Loving Yourself for Relationship Peace of Mind

Do you constantly worry about your relationship? Do you doubt your partner’s feelings for you? Are you withholding love because you’re afraid to invest in a relationship you feel may not last? Do you feel suspicious and anxious when your partner fails to meet your demands?

One of the basic tenets of a healthy, loving relationship is “Thou shalt trust thy partner”. Feeling insecure about a relationship is not a good sign; in fact, doubt and jealousy can very often kill a relationship even without a third party.

If you’re feeling difficulty in trusting your partner, ask yourself whether you even trust yourself. Do you believe in your value? Do you respect and love yourself? Insecurity about a relationship and about our partner often stems from our own insecurity about ourselves.

When we don’t love ourselves, we don’t believe that we deserve love. That’s why we doubt our partner’s feelings for us. We think that it’s too good to be true. And so we try to validate our suspicions. Instead of investing love into the relationship, we make demands. We rationalize it by thinking that if our partner truly loves us, they’ll do whatever we want. But that’s not love; that’s slavery.

Try imagining things the other way round. How would you feel if your partner kept asking about your whereabouts, about your friends, and what you’re doing? How would you like it if your partner kept doubting your feelings for them? How would you feel if every little mistake you made them suspicious or angry? Nobody likes someone breathing down their necks, monitoring and questioning their every word or act.

Trust between partners is essential for a happy, healthy, lasting relationship. But first you have to learn to trust yourself. Trust in your own attractiveness and abilities. Trust that you’re good enough to be loved and appreciated and that your partner is not going to run off with some hot hunk or babe the moment you’re not around.

You may not even be physically attractive in the popular sense, but a couple stay together for much much more than just physical attractiveness. You have to develop a healthy sense of self-worth in your own uniqueness. There is only one You, so work on what makes you special. Your family loves you. Your friends love you. Your partner loves you. How could you not love yourself?

Look into the mirror today and embrace yourself. This is the only person you’ll ever be, so enjoy it. When you’re happy with yourself, it shows. Self-love is radiant and attractive. Remember, a happy relationship requires two self-assured, emotionally-independent, mutually-trusting partners.

A Slice of Life is written, produced and presented by Eugene Loh unless otherwise stated. If you wish to share the scripts with others, please credit it to ‘Eugene Loh, A Slice of Life, 938LIVE, a station of MediaCorp Radio’.

Cherished or Cheated?

Adapted from Bar Advice

I know that it’s not as often that women cheat as opposed to guys doing it but this one I write is meant for the women to be aware. So often women settle for less. They think that “knights” are found in fairy tales, or they buy into the too-many-women-too-few-men ratio hype. Many don’t even hold guys to chivalrous standards any more, accepting what comes their way is as a reflection of the changing times.

In essence, they’re cheating themselves.

WHY BEING CHERISHED IS IMPORTANT:
Life is indeed bittersweet. There are so many variables that can’t be controlled. The loss of a loved one, illnesses, violent crimes, a son or daughter who chooses the wrong path, the boss from hell, and economic upheaval, to name a few.

The “choice” of a loving, giving mate helps to cushion the blows of life and weather its many storms. It makes people stronger. It nurtures the spirit and helps to fulfill our divine roles. Women are the backbones of society! They give life. They create homes, raise families, run offices and support dreams but you really can’t give from an empty cup!

The bottom line is this. If you’re not being cherished, you’re being cheated. So if you’re in a relationship that’s wreaking havoc with your sense of peace and your self-worth, repeat after me. “I can do better.” Add this mantra to your daily affirmations and move forward! Whoever the guy is or whatever time period you’ve been with him, trust me, you’re heading for disaster.

But first take note of how a “cherished” woman is treated…

1) If a man cherishes you, he won’t compare you to Halle Berry, or Jennifer Lopez, or his mom. He will accept you for your good and bad, and love the things that make you uniquely you.

2) He will be committed to making the relationship work. He will honor your feelings and value your thoughts. He will compromise on issues of importance so that both of your needs are fulfilled.

3) HE will support your dreams and encourage you during times of failure. He’ll take a personal interest in what you do. He doesn’t necessarily have to share your vision, but he’ll cheer you on to victory just the same.

4) When a man cherishes you, you won’t have to track him down or do headstands to get his attention and to get him to spend quality time with you. The desire to be together is mutual, and he’ll move mountains to make it happen.

5) He won’t betray your trust or reveal your secrets. Period!

6) When a man cherishes you, he won’t keep an emotional score card of what he does for you and how often. He considers it a pleasure to do things that brings his woman pleasure.

7) He won’t flee at the first sign of trouble or tragedy. That should also apply to the fact that you screwed up and got pregnant and now a baby is on the way.

If you’re in a relationship in which you are truly “cherished”, most importantly, that you cherish yourself first! Most women let the guy take over so hurt, pain, betrayal, cheating and even abuse becomes accepted by her. If you give in to this from the very start then you’re heading down the road of “doom”. I know some will take back the guy and give him a second chance.Fair enough that your soft heart tells you to do so after all his pleas and if he changes, great. If not then live with it.

Bar advice. Learn to cherish yourself and make him understand it by showing him the way first. You won’t go wrong by example. If he screws up he’ll have nothing to say.

In the world of romance – for guys to take note

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to men:
Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don’t get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It’s her pet (-10)

You cook for her (0)
Its her favourite dish (+2)
Its your favourite dish (-2)
And its some fatty oily stuff like pig’s trotters (-50)
And she’s a health freak or vegetarian (-2000)

You wash the dishes (0)
You mop the floor (0)
You do the laundry (0)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
Named Lolita (-4)
Lolita is a dancer (-6)
Lolita is single and is really beautiful (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY (NOTE: ANNIVESARIES ARE SAME AS BIRTHDAYS)

You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it’s a sports bar (-2)
And it’s all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the Colours of your favourite team (-10)

You are the first to wish her happy birthday (0)
You are not the first to wish her happy birthday (-20)
You get her a present (0)
Its something that she needs and can be used (+30)
Its something she has been eyeing a long time ago (+100)
Its a white elephant of no use (eg. Picture frames, ornamentals, musical boxes, cups) (-20)

You give her a bouquet of flowers (0)
Its 999 stalk of her favourite flower (+50)
Its crysenthumun (-500)
You plan a surprise for her (+50) points subjected to the surprise

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It’s called ‘DeathCop’ (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

You take her to a movie she likes and you hate and you fell asleep in the movie (-20)
You brought a jacket along in case she is cold (+10)
You buy the tickets before hand so that you two don’t have to queue to buy the tickets (0)
You cry during the touching part of the movie (+15) woman likes SNAG now!!

You hold the door for her (0)
You pull the chair for her (0)

You waited 15 mins for her to arrive without getting pissed (0)
You waited 30 mins for her to arrive without getting pissed (+2)
You waited 1 hour for her to arrive without getting pissed (+8)
You waited 2 hours for her to arrive without getting pissed (+15)

She waited for you 5 mins to arrive (-200)

ENJOY THE ‘BIG’ QUESTION (YOU LOSE POINTS NO MATTER WHAT)

She asks, “Do I look fat?” (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, “Where?” (-35)
Any other response (-20)

You say: its ok, I love you even if you are fat (-500)

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10 ,000)

Now what chance do you have???

You listen for 5 minutes and interrupt her with your own problems (-300)
You roll your eyes and ask: whats the problem?? (-500)
You offer advices and tell her what she should do (-200)
You bring her out for an all expenses shopping trip to cheer her up AFTER you listen to her problem with a concerned expression, for as long as she speaks without falling asleep (+5000)

Ah ber is happy

Heehee. Ah ber is happy. Cos yesterday went paktor with him. Who is he? Of cos my darling kenji la…. Guess lena will kill me if she read this post, cos yesterday she wanted to ask me out. But I kept saying I was busy…. then I went out with Mr kenji. Haha. Cannot blame me ok….. I’m in love with him, although I love you too ms lena, but he got gong gong, you dun have……

We didnt talk about anything. Instead, we jus enjoyed ourselves jus like last time. Jus like last time when we 1st started. The sweetness, the innocence, the initial passion….. I found it last nite. And all we did was to spend time together and enjoy each others company. Now you know where went wrong rite Mr Kenji? We didnt spend enough time with each other and really appreciate each other’s company…… that is wat is missing….. jus enjoying and smiling and be happy with each other…. wonder who taught you all these yesterday ah???/ How come you suddenly become Soooooooooooooo clever? Not woody anymore?

We jus played pool, we held hands and walked together, we kissed our son together, we had little laughs about anything and watever, we smiled our silly grins at each other, we played arcade games together and I showed him my skills ok…. I am quite good at the games ok…. rite darling? We talked about other stuff in the car while he drove me back to bradel for the nite, and we were sweet to each other…..

I think this is the way. So ah ber is happy. Are you happier Mr Kenji? Do you feel the same way as I did yesterday? Is this what we should have improved on instead of settling other stuff? See, jus overnite, things have improved by leaps and jumps rite?

Today I woke up feeling great, most prob because of last nite. Although deep inside I refuse to wake up to work, but I jus feel great. Went for 1hr work, then now back home, without junior.

Mum asked me where is her grandson Junior. I told her he’s having a vacation at bradel. hahahah…. my mum missed her grandson….

I stepped into our room. It feels so empty without junior inside. I smelt his smell, I saw his baby monkey and his doggy, but no junior. Feel so empty. Usually I come back and sit on the bed and kiss and hug him and play with him…… and I tot it would be great to come back to my empty room to enjoy some time alone without my son…. but I was wrong. I started to miss junior the moment I stepped into my empty room. I missed my baby boy badly…. well, wat to do, gotta come back and do the laundry ASAP cos everytime I pick up the laundry basket, the skies turn grey and the sun goes into hiding…..

Why doesnt the sun go into hiding when I am going off for work? Think the weather is mad…. really mad….. I miss junior. I better hurry up, do my laundry, go to work then I can see him at 8pm again…..

Ready or not

Isn’t it good to have committment? Isn’t it good to be ready?

Seriously, it could be the past that is hindering me. A past that really did happened. There are experiences, knowledge, residues and fear gained from the past that unwittngly, unknowingly enter my present life. Not that I liked it to happen and allow it to interfere with my present life, the fear is always there. And the fear surfaces at the each slight change in anything.

Blame it on my life experiences, but there are certain things that I have gone thru and I dun think I would be able to survive them should it happens again. It is true that one usually emerges stronger after each trial in life, but I also know that the next trial in life might just kill me.

Of cos, being positive and trusting tat new things, new experiences, new people in my life, a new journey, a new future, a better tomorrow, a better everything should and will happen it the thing that I heard so very often. But who can guarantee, who can give me back my youth, my freedom, my space, my time, my effort, my life and everything I sought to invest to make myself a better future?

People change – and everyone knows tat. I would be positive to say that people, things, circumstances, surroundings, events change for the better. And I would be negative to say it would be my worst nightmare. But everyone is telling me to try and how would i know if I didnt try? But the thing is, even before I try, I am already demoralized about lotsa things, how can I ever trust a foundation when the basics are not sufficient for me to feel confident about?

Terence asked me, if I was a risk taker. There were so many risks I have taken, and failed. I need to believe, I need to trust, I need to let go – of myself….. I guess the problem lies with me, the fear of myself, the fear of changes, the fear of committment, the fear of everything (No wonder Junior is such a scardy cat….. he inherited his fear from ME). And I know that fear resides in everyone of us. Many a time I hear people saying, “Let go of your fear”

I dun wish to let go of my fear, take a risk, gamble with my life as a bet. If I won, indeed it would be a risk well taken, an investment well done. But wat if I lose, again? There are so many things I cannot control. So wat are the odds tat I will win or lose?

Just having love in your heart, just missing someone in your head and wanting someone in bed doesn’t sustain a relationship. Can “love you”, “miss you” really overcome all odds and obstacles in life or has it just become just a common greeting that carries no weight?

Where is the initial passion? Where is the communication? Where is the stability? There are so many things I am not confident of, there are so many things that I have doubts about, there are so many things I dun feel stable about….. How can I move on?

PS:

往往外表坚强的人，内心是最脆弱的。

坚强是用来掩饰脆弱。

坚强是用来保护脆弱。

坚强是用来支持脆弱。

爱情转移

I feel alot for this song…

 爱情转移 (歌手：陈奕迅 )

徘徊过多少橱窗住过多少旅馆
才会觉得分离也并不冤枉
感情是用来浏览还是用来珍藏
好让日子天天都过得难忘 熬过了多久患难湿了多长眼眶
才能知道伤感是爱的遗产
流浪几张双人床换过几次信仰
才让戒指义无返顾的交换把一个人的温暖转移到另一个的胸膛
让上次犯的错反省出梦想
每个人都是这样享受过提心吊胆
才拒绝做爱情待罪的羔羊

会议是捉不到的月光握紧就变黑暗
等虚假的背影消失于晴朗
阳光在身上流转等所有业障被原谅
爱情不停站想开往地老天荒
需要多勇敢
烛光照亮了晚餐照不出个答案
恋爱不是温馨的请客吃饭
床单上铺满花瓣拥抱让它成长
太拥挤就开到了别的土壤
感情需要人接班接近换来期望
期望带来失望的恶性循环
短暂的总是浪漫漫长总会不满
烧完美好青春换一个老伴
你不要失望荡气回肠是为了
最美的平凡

爱我的人和我爱的人

Went KTV with Lena and Kerin from 12plus am till 4am. Sang lotsa songs…. each time the requested list is always FULL HOUSE, always 100 over songs on waiting list….. I guess lotsa people luv this song…. it brought back so many memories for me…..This song was the one I performed with my classmates on stage for National Day. It was my 1st ever performance singing…. I remembered someone looking at me while I was singing. I jus remembered the eyes looking at me seriously and listening to me tentively…… And I looked back…… And I wondered if you knew…..

I won my entrance to the semi-finals of the whole school Karaoke Competition with this song. And I came in 3rd within the whole school. I guess I was already mad then cos I didnt know I had so much courage. I didnt know I could do such things….

And this song, also loved by Ms Kerin and Ms Lena, because I guess we feel the same way over many things……

And this song is…..

 爱我的人和我爱的人 (歌手：裘海正 )

盼不到我爱的人
我知道我愿意再等
疼不了爱我的人
片刻柔情它骗不了人
我不是无情的人
却将你伤的最深
我不忍我不能
别再认真忘了我的人

离不开我爱的人
我知道爱需要缘分
放不下爱我的人
因为了解他多么认真
为什么最真的心
碰不到最好的人
我不问我不能
拥在怀中
直到他变冷

爱我的人为我痴心不悔
我却为我爱的人甘心一生伤悲
在乎的人始终不对
谁对谁不必虚伪
爱我的人为我付出一切
我却为我爱的人流泪狂乱心碎
爱与被爱同样受罪
为什么不懂拒绝痴情的包围

最熟悉的陌生人

最熟悉的陌生人 (歌手：萧亚轩)

词:姚谦曲:柯肇雷

还记得吗
窗外那被月光染亮的海洋
你还记得吗
是爱让彼此把夜点亮
为何后来我们用沉默取代依赖
曾经朗朗星空
渐渐阴霾

心碎离开
转身回到最初荒凉里等待
为了寂寞
是否找个人填心中空白
我们变成了世上
最熟悉的陌生人
今后各自曲折
各自悲哀
只怪我们爱得那么汹涌
爱得那么深
于是梦醒了搁浅了沉默了挥手了
却回不了神
如果当初在交会时能忍住了
激动的灵魂
也许今夜我不会让自己在思念里
沉沦

心碎离开
转身回到最初荒凉里等待
为了寂寞
是否找个人填心中空白
我们变成了世上
最熟悉的陌生人
今后各自曲折
各自悲哀
只怪我们爱得那么汹涌
爱得那么深
于是梦醒了搁浅了沉默了挥手了
却回不了神
如果当初在交会时能忍住了
激动的灵魂
也许今夜我不会让自己在思念里
沉沦

我们变成了世上最熟悉的陌生人
今后各自曲折
各自悲哀?
只怪我们爱得那么汹涌
爱得那么深
于是梦醒了搁浅了沉默了挥手了
却回不了神

如果当初在交会时能忍住了
激动的灵魂
也许今夜我不会让自己在思念里
沉沦
也许今夜我不会让自己在思念里
沉沦

For Ms Rachel

Ok I help you one more time Glenn…. Pls go and get your own blog so that She can read it from ur own mouth and believe me when I say its really from you…. Now she really doubt it ok….. be a MAN…. 

“I have never forgotten the beautiful things. In fact I keep replaying them in my mind, I keep thinking about it in my mind so that i will not forget, so that I will NEVER forget. Actually I am so scared I will forget because the memories with you belongs to me and you and I never wan to lose them for anything.

So no matter how many bad things you have done, or how you have hurt me, as long as I love you, as long as I feel that in my heart you deserved to be loved, I will close a blind eye. It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t bother me, but I choose to let the bad things pass.

But you chose not to bother. I don’t know why. Is it because I have not done enough? Is it because I was not good enough? Whatever it is, you seemed happy now. But the one next to you is not me. And even though it is not me, I am contented to know that you are happy. At least you are wearing a nice smile on your face.

If one day, ever one day when he makes you cry. Pls let me know. Because your tears are precious to me. I want to hold them for you. I never want to see you sad. It kills me whenever you are sad. Even though we may never go back to the past again, everything good remains in my mind and I keep you in my heart, always and forever. I love you.”

I think everyone is lonely. In fact I think everyone gets lonely sometimes. Sigh….