Ever since yesterday I found out how people look at me, I slept very soundly, but woke up at 7am when I was supposed to wake up at 8am, got changed, then looked at the clock again…. chey its still 1 hour early…. so went back to sleep again, then jump up for work cos forgot to set alarm clock…..
For the whole morn, while in the water for 2 hours, I kept thinking about stuff. But I am not depressed. I am not going up the mountain. I jus needed chocolates badly…. heehee… and luckily I found cadbury chocolates at home…. yeah… my fav chocolates….
And I went on to apply for a teaching position again…. this time, a PE teacher. If this time I dun get in, means I will most prob NEVER get in again…. so no point trying anymore and focus on something else.
Why is it, certain things have to work certain ways. Why is it, another man’s meat is another man’s poison (meaning I like it, but to you its crap). Why no one trust me when I am able to do wat i sought out to do?
Being gals are never fair…. rite? Alwite, I’m jus a normal gal and I am not fair. I dun play fair, I keep saying we are equal but actually we are not cos as gals, we normally expect the guys to give in to us most of the time. And guys normally think gals are petty and stuff like tat. Life is never fair.
Sometimes, in fact, all of the time, life could be better, if you look in a positive aspect of it. But damn it. I can look positive but the people ard me are negative. They dun believe. They dun trust. They doubt. They have their own mindset and thinking.
How do I write a whole list of things I want and dun want? Certain things I can accept, certain things I cannot. But I dun keep them on my mind the whole time that I can write down a list….. things like tat has to be discovered along the way isnt it rite?
I dunno. I am confused. People are like tat. When you yourself do something wrong, you dun see it, you refuse to admit it. But when people are doing wrong things, you see it immediately and try to correct it. It happens to everyone of us. Why is human nature like tat? Why cant people jus accept people as they are and jus live with it? is it so unbearable that we cannot live together?
Like friends with PMS, I still love them, although when they PMS, i stay away or try to entertain them to be happy. Like junior who always licks me, i learn to accept that his licking is a way of telling me he loves me. Like jared, even though he is so mischievious, I learnt to understand if he didnt love me, he wun disturb me at all. So why people cannot accept who I am?
Am I jus a free loader? Am I jus a bum, bumping around doing nothing good? Am I jus a bo chap person? Am I stupid to be in the shit now? Am I the worst person on the earth? I am sure, its NO NO NO NO. I am not. Then why I get the feeling that people have such impressions of me? Why do people like to pick out my faults and then criticise me like I have no self-esteem or dignity? HEY, focus on my good points can or not? I am not always rite, but I cant be always wrong all the time also….. give me some credit. Give me a chance to live my life and enjoy every part of it.
I hate you ber. You are forever like tat. So uncertain, so fickle minded (ok cos I AM A GAL ok – so its nothing wrong), pls go and find someone who really knows who you are and accepts you as you are…..if not your problems will not end. Cos if 2 persons dun see eye to eye with each other, habis….especially if both are stubborn people.
I am a stubborn BULL. I am me. I am like tat. Die lor. If I dun give way, I will poke people with my horns lor….. then how? If i poke you will you still love me? or will you jus kill the bull and eat its balls (like spainish people do)….
Die la. I wish I had balls.
PS: Startin all over again, will it help? I doubt.
