Down and out and up and above 270407

Been bit demoralized the past few days, even today, over some glitches, over some work stuff, over technical issues, over health, over lotsa things. Felt depressed and impulsive to some very serious extents.

Think its PMS cos suddenly my mood swung and i fall deep down the valley of Shit. Everything not going on smoothly for me i feel. No matter how hard i try to convince myself that everything is jus a phase and will pass soon, it doesn’t make me feel better and it doesn’t really get to my brain that soon everything will be alwite.

And of cos I depend heavily on support from the people I love and trust. Bitched to kenji about my stuff and he was understanding, I felt better but the depression doesn’t seem to lift much. Things are still quite stagnant and I dun like the way things are going.

Retreated to my comfort zone – there is always one place which makes me feel better – ALWAYS. Bradel, my 2nd home.

Came here today to recuperate. Spent time with the children, spent time alone, spent time with the people I am most comfortable with…..felt better, not the top of the world but temporary I forget the problems…..and with a clearer mind, I was better able to handle things the way they should be.

I should be calm. Cos hurry or rush wun help things. Certain things cannot rush, must take time. Like my ulcer, like my left wing….need time to heal, need time to feel better.

Can feel the depression lift…..bit by bit…..

Actually dun feel like doing things AT ALL, but slowly I found my enthu to start to do stuff…..guess its really hard to be woman…..got so many problems, got PMS, got so much burdens to bear…..sian…..Of cos I know man also have la……maybe burdens more than woman but at least you dun bleed for 1 week per month and suffer the 3 other weeks with serious mood swings…..

Guess everyone, everywhere has its problems, but its jus how you know how to handle your emotions, how you handle each situation, how you handle yourself in facing stuff, how you learn and improve along the way, how you try to do better each time. No point blaming the facts (that I am a woman, the fact that things will happen, the fact that the way things are already are…etc) but look to solutions and way outs to handle stuff and iron out issues and solve everything the best way….we cannot please everyone, but at least, do things that do not upset your conscience and do things that you would wan everyone to benefit…..

My shoulder is hurting me so much, I jus wish I can cut it off….occassionally it throbs like nobody’s biz and even breathing is a chore. I cannot sleep properly, I cannot do ANYTHING properly…..sick and tired of it…..

And its affecting me morally, plus my stupid 1.5 week old ulcer in my mouth, on the left side of my tongue….my left body is totally not functioning rite…..but its always good to feel loved like wat i am feeling now…..

I feel so loved with kenji’s support and understanding, I feel so loved with mummy’s love and care for me…..mummy massaged my left wing for me to make it better and cooked my fav food today when I came to visit and stay over…….its always good to have someone who love and care for you and now its really a blessing that I have 2 beside me…..oops….I forgot someone very very important to me too…..JUNIOR……who licked me all over and pee on me to tell me I AM MARKED “Junior’s Property”…..and who pee everywhere to make me busy cleaning his pee to occupy my mind from thinking too much…..thanks my dearest son….

And not to forget my good friends around me too like my godsis winnie, my aunty grace, my good friends Lena and kerin who tried hard to organise outings and chill out sessions and anyone who cared about me….sorry if I didnt mention your name cos my mind is not thinking very very rite ok…..but i appreciate your love, care and concern…..

Its in dire straits that you fully understand and appreciate the people around you…..of cos its not tat bad la, jus that to have people who are behind you when you fall, to catch you and hold you tight is a very wonderful feeling that you cannot describe….

Ah ber is down from the mountain, but with an injuired left wing and wounded left tongue…..even my neck is swollen on the left side – tat’s how bad it is…..but ah ber is strong, ‘ll pull thru…..so wait for the mountain tortise to crawl out slowly from her shell ok….

And my birthday is coming, so everything is getting better by the second…..Always look on the bright side of life…..always look on the bright side of life……..YEAH….

I realised something…..

Whenever I am down, I turn to music for therapy….I listen to christian songs, my opera classics Les Miserables, Miss Saigon….(Sorry ms kerin, I dun have phantom of the opera ones…maybe you can get me the CD???? Heehee thanks – jus joking la – but if you have the CD pls lend me so that I can listen ok) And the results are – I feel better SOMETIMES, but SOMETIMES I fall deeper……guess tender loving care is better than anything….

So, the people who love me, I LOVE YOU and APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH…..

Ah ber has a chipped left wing 260407

Yesterday Ah ber woke up as usual and went coaching. But when I started coachin, I felt a sharp pain in my left shoulder that was not there in the morning. The pain was quite bad, to the extent tht when I breathed a little harder, my left shoulder racked with pain. If I tilt my neck to a side, the shoulder blade also pain lor. Driving looking at left blind spot also pain lor….but I very careful driver, Pain I still look at blind spot one ok…

Kenji dear wanted to see a doc so I went with him to the polyclinic and he was given a referral letter to the skin centre, cos he has this lump on his chest that seems to be growing. In the end, it was jus a very big pimple but I tot it would be better to take it out so he was given a referral to the skin centre again….we were referred there last year….

Where got doc say never mind, its jus a big pimple, is it pain? Dun take out also can, but it will become very painful if its blocked…..so might as well take it out rite? So finally got a referral letter after waiting for 100 people in the queue and after almost 2.5hours.

As for me, think the polyclinic doc cannot help my shoulder la, So I suffered a stiff left shoulder for the whole day till I went to see the chinese physician to “pull” my nerve back – it sounds logical to me that it “ran” la….

So I went to bedok Blk 412, recommended by Xiao Hei Pang Pang Mr Jerry who went there last time to fix his sprained angle…..the doc was very nice. So he attempted to pull the nerve back and then he realised that not only 1 nerve “ran”, but 2 nerves “ran” – my shoulder blade one and my neck 1.

So I got a massage for half an hour – not too bad, not too painful….not like that woman crying out in pain before me…..like she’s dying lor….made me so scared…..lucky my threshold of pain is higher than her……

But my left shoulder felt more sore than ever but I was assured that pain is better…..by mr kenji ok…..lucky i can still drive back to eunos……doc gave me tablets for my shoulder and the tiger balm patch to put on my shoulder. And no exercise for at least 3 days…..

Sleeping last nite was a chore for me cos I cannot sleep on the same side cos that was wat caused the pain….and I scared I sleep on the other side wat if today morn i wake up with the other side running too…..so I tried to sleep straight. And people who know me, know that I can never sleep straight, I always curl up like a prawn…..so I have to lie on either left or rite side one….torture for me ah….

I ended up lying on my rite side cos no pain ma…..but the pain did decrease with the massage and the patch and the medicine, jus tat the whole area very sore lor…..lucky today he off day or else I can die if I go for another session….

So ah ber is left with a chipped left wing…..hahahaha……then sat my training how?????
Sian…

Junior was missing for half an hour 240407

Junior nearly got lost yesterday. For a whole half hour and he didnt realise that he was missing and was enjoying himself.

It all happened when we were at Lena’s house for dinner and mahjong. He happily sneaked out of the house and went gallivanting. We the adults were happily playing mahjong. In fact junior tried to get out of the house a few times but each time I asked him to come back in.

So we played our mahjong and then Lena asked Where is Junior? I said should be in the room cos jasmine (Lena’s sis) took the dogs in. We went to check. And we realised he was not in the room. I called and called his name, no response. Die…

So I walked down the flight of stairs calling his name and walked up again from a different staircase…and all the while, jeff found junior on the floor below…..entertaining a mummy holding a child…..wonderful rite my son…..scared the shit out of me…

1st tot that came into my mind….I wan to cry, I jus lost my son, no others can ever replace him, how to tell his daddy, how to tell his gong gong and popo, HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW…..got a sick feeling in my stomach…..really so damn worried cos he’s so cute and he’s so small, surely kena kidnapped one….and if they close the door and lock it, I’ll lose my son forever….

I wasn’t angry when I saw junior, instead I was so damn relieved I jus hugged him tightly. My son…..in my arms again…..i kissed him…..so really relieved that he was found…..Thank God man….

Then today, met lena and jie fu at jie fu’s house, he went gallivanting again, but luckily he was jus outside the house….this boy…next time he will be leashed or caged…no more freedom…..cos hes too small….can always squeeze out from the grills….

I love you Dino Junior. Pls do not give me such a scare again. Although you dunno how worried I am and dunno that you should not do such a thing, pls have the conscience to at least think of your mummy before you sneak out…..pls pls pls try not to pull such a stunt again…

I seriously tot the people yesterday were pulling my leg and pulling a stunt with me…..I didnt realise he was REALLY missing….I tot lena was playing a joke on me…..

心动心痛 230407

My new blog song. If you cannot hear it, jus click to allow this pop up cos it comes as a pop up for realplayer….

心动心痛 (刘畊宏/许慧欣)

宏:黑夜渗透了想念
偷不走微光闪现的千种画面
我背着伤痛离开
孤单拖着记忆支离破碎

欣:原以为不会改变
眼泪在脸颊上干枯失去知觉

合:我的心挣脱了爱
跟随着夕阳埋进了海洋

合:为什么相爱的人却又为爱而纷争
现实的翅膀扰乱了原本幸福的气氛
我有我的过错
我有我的疑惑
藏在面对面的折磨背后
为什么让爱躲进乌云密布的天空
随着风漂流在外一点一点的散落
慢慢远离的梦
渐渐冷却冰封
心痛都当初相遇的心动

宏:慢慢远离的梦

欣:渐渐冷却冰封

Men vs women 230407

Why do couples break up? Where is the initial passion they have for each other? Where is the sparkle in the eyes for each other?

I used to have a friend. She only had eyes for her then boyfriend. And her eyes sparkled whenever she looked at him. But he took her granted, having affairs and creating bitterness in her. She tried very hard to get him back – I know she loved him alot. No matter how he treated her, he hit her, he scolded her, he pushed her, she was still so in love with him. In the process, she lost her sparkle due to the hurt she received. Her initial passion waned due to the bitterness.

When she felt so bitter, she started to look for sweetness, which could be found in the arms of other men. Her man doesnt honey her but other men would. And then they broke up the relationship they had for 7-8years and their marriage of 1year. During the process, she was hurting because she was clearly in love with the ex, but she was hurting herself by going out with other guys. All because she is confused about bitterness and sweetness. She could continue to be a sadist where he can continue to hurt her but luckily she walked out because she’s now happily married to another man who is lucky enough to have her love and who is fortunate enough to share his love with her. I guess she must be in sweetness heaven now….

Men dun realise they are not listening or responding to the people he loves because he is so utterly focused on solving his problem. When men talk about problems, they are generally looking for solutions. Men achieves a calm through NOT talking, while women achieves a calm thru talking.

Having to ask is not easy for women. If she has to ask, then it doesnt feel as if she is being loved.

Now when a man appears to a woman as if he is not motivated to suppport her needs, it weakens her self-esteem and humiliates her. When a man feels he is unfairly being asked for more, he may not feel that his self-esteem is weakened, but he certainly doesnt feel like giving more.

Women and men are all different individuals and have different upbringing, thinking, ideas, opinions. actions….certain differences, jus dun be too focused and fixed. There are always different angles to a problem and there might be few solutions. The man is not always rite and the woman is not always wrong too.

Where is the give and take? People in love are blind. They are oblivious to each other’s faults and shortcomings. Even though they may see them, but they tend to jus let it pass and not really focus on them cos they are enjoying the sweet moments together. Any mention of shortcomings and faults will put the enjoyment on a full stop.

After the “honeymoon period”, the love is not lost, jus that both man and woman are very comfortable around their partner that they do not put in extra effort like they did in the initial period to please each other. They slowing take for granted their comfort. They forget to give and jus take only…..then they have quarrels about give and take and slowly the bitterness build up cos they are angry with each other and the anger covers their love they have for each other and they hurt each other and finally break up cos they cant take it anymore.

Sounds familiar rite? I always wonder if you love someone so much, how come you can be so angry with them. Then I experienced it myself. I loved someone so much and I expected them to be like my standard and when they dun meet the standard, I get really angry because all the more I love them, all the more I bother….. I simply forgot that we are all different individuals and I forgot to listen to them and realise that they are doing things in a different way. Haha.

Refocus Your Life 230407

Refocus Your Life

We all go through times in our lives when we feel a little disoriented. It could be simply due to exhaustion, the result of taking on too many jobs and obligations. It could be after a major crisis. Or it could be doing the things you feel you should be doing, instead of the things that really matter to you. All this can take a toll on our energy level, our motivation to get through each day.

Whatever the reason, if you’re feeling a little out-of-whack, and you haven’t a clue why, it may be time to start re-focusing your life.

This means taking a step back, taking a deep breath, evaluating your life, and listening to your inner voice. Now for some people, this means taking a holiday, which is fine if it works for you. For others, a vacation may mean additional stress – the stress of preparing your work to go on when you’re gone, planning where to go, where to stay, and the withdrawal symptoms when you get back.

A holiday is great if it gives you the time and space to relax and re-prioritise your life. If not, you can refocus your life right now.

The best thing you can do for your body is to give it enough rest. This has to be done before any refocusing can begin. In such competitive, fast-paced times, most of us are not getting the amount of rest we need. Many of us might think that we can get away with five or six hours of sleep a day, just because we don’t feel tired for the rest of the day. But this is simply our bodies getting used to less sleep, not necessarily an indication of what our bodies actually need to perform at their peak.

Get enough sleep, at least the eight hours recommended amount a day, and you’ll find that you can think more clearly, work more efficiently, and have more energy and motivation.

Next, examine your life schedule and re-evaluate your priorities. What’s taking up your time and your energy? Are they productive? Are they improving you in any way? Are they things you enjoy or at least things that make you money or develop relationships? Are there any time and spirit wasters that you feel are your obligations? Be stringent with your evaluations and throw out the tasks that are not benefitting you.

And figure out how you’re using your time. True, a day’s hours are finite, but if you examine your daily actions, you’ll find some things that take up more than their fair share of your time. For example, do you find yourself checking your email several times a day and typing out detailed, carefully-worded essays? Are you sending, re-sending, and forwarding your time away?

Identify other aspects of your life which may be wasting your time and energy. These are the little leeches sucking the life from you. Get rid of them, and refocus your priorities on things that truly fulfill you.

If this message does not appear to be formatted correctly, read it online at http://www.938LIVE.sg/asol/Newsletter/16april2007.htm

Refocus Your Life
We all go through times in our lives when we feel a little disoriented. It could be simply due to exhaustion, the result of taking on too many jobs and obligations. It could be after a major crisis. Or it could be doing the things you feel you should be doing, instead of the things that really matter to you. All this can take a toll on our energy level, our motivation to get through each day.
Whatever the reason, if you’re feeling a little out-of-whack, and you haven’t a clue why, it may be time to start re-focusing your life.
This means taking a step back, taking a deep breath, evaluating your life, and listening to your inner voice. Now for some people, this means taking a holiday, which is fine if it works for you. For others, a vacation may mean additional stress – the stress of preparing your work to go on when you’re gone, planning where to go, where to stay, and the withdrawal symptoms when you get back.
A holiday is great if it gives you the time and space to relax and re-prioritise your life. If not, you can refocus your life right now.
The best thing you can do for your body is to give it enough rest. This has to be done before any refocusing can begin. In such competitive, fast-paced times, most of us are not getting the amount of rest we need. Many of us might think that we can get away with five or six hours of sleep a day, just because we don’t feel tired for the rest of the day. But this is simply our bodies getting used to less sleep, not necessarily an indication of what our bodies actually need to perform at their peak.
Get enough sleep, at least the eight hours recommended amount a day, and you’ll find that you can think more clearly, work more efficiently, and have more energy and motivation.
Next, examine your life schedule and re-evaluate your priorities. What’s taking up your time and your energy? Are they productive? Are they improving you in any way? Are they things you enjoy or at least things that make you money or develop relationships? Are there any time and spirit wasters that you feel are your obligations? Be stringent with your evaluations and throw out the tasks that are not benefitting you.
And figure out how you’re using your time. True, a day’s hours are finite, but if you examine your daily actions, you’ll find some things that take up more than their fair share of your time. For example, do you find yourself checking your email several times a day and typing out detailed, carefully-worded essays? Are you sending, re-sending, and forwarding your time away?
Identify other aspects of your life which may be wasting your time and energy. These are the little leeches sucking the life from you. Get rid of them, and refocus your priorities on things that truly fulfill you.

A Slice of Life is written, produced and presented by Eugene Loh unless otherwise stated. If you wish to share the scripts with others, please credit it to ‘Eugene Loh, A Slice of Life, 938LIVE, a station of MediaCorp Radio’.

Let Go of Your Resentments 230407

Damn, I think I fell into this category 2days ago. Now its the time to share and ACTION to get rid of the unhealthy things in my life.

Let Go of Your Resentments

Feelings of resentment can quickly build up in a person, and if something isn’t done, they can affect his or her peace of mind, health and relationships.

Let’s say you arrive at the office only to find that your favourite parking lot, the one you always occupy, has been taken by someone else. You imagine that the person has done it out of spite or disrespect. All day, you think about how you’ve been robbed of your space and when that person says hello to you later in the day, you choose to ignore him. Now, his behaviour towards you may be perfectly amicable, but instead of clarifying the matter with him or simply using another lot, you nurse your grudge against him. You don’t hold the lift for him, you don’t accept his invitation to lunch, you treat him like a nuisance although technically, he hasn’t done anything to hurt you.

We can accumulate this kind of resentment for anyone we feel has offended us or are better off in some way. Most of these trespasses or privileges are imagined, but in our minds we insist they are real. Over time, we find ourselves resenting, even hating, more and more people. We become suspicious and irritable, and because we’re in distress over these people much of the time, we find less space in our hearts for peace and goodwill. Every time they enter the room, we feel a creeping sense of annoyance.

The reason why resentment can so quickly and easily invade our lives is because it can feel good, at least in the short term. The anger that results from resentment can be a form of energy; it can give us drive and focus. But because we can’t bring ourselves to speak candidly to these people, we never get to thrash things out, and so the problems never get resolved. We just keep on harbouring our grudges, seething silently, until one day, we can’t take it anymore and explode. This usually results in a spectacular display of rage. If in private, this could ruin relationships. If in public, like in a meeting for instance, we can appear rash and unreasonable to the other people present. We may even do something we’ll come to deeply regret.

Resentment hurts no one but you. Imagined injustice can fester in your heart until it becomes the focus of your life. Because you blame other people for your state of mind, you don’t act to improve your own situation and feelings. And you stop noticing and appreciating what’s good in your life. While others move on, you sit and fret and moan.

A Slice of Life is written, produced and presented by Eugene Loh unless otherwise stated. If you wish to share the scripts with others, please credit it to ‘Eugene Loh, A Slice of Life, 938LIVE, a station of MediaCorp Radio’.

Lao niang up the mountain 220407

I think some people are mistaken that THIS IS MY BLOG. So if you have any comments and questions about MY posts, pls feedback to me and not to people besides ME. Its ok if you dun understand this statement….

These past 2 days I have not been sleeping well. Fri went to WHYNOT and came home around 4am before leaving the house ard 8plus am to coach swimming. Then sat went out with Ms Kerin mei till 4plus am. She sounded pissed so i tot i better go out and sayang her. We sat there till all the shops closed. Had a debate with kenji over the phone for an hour. All the while kerin was playing nanny to junior.

We had our usual fisherman basket plus 2 jugs of heneiken and 3pcs chicken wings. Junior was really happy cos he had fries, chicken wings, treats and drinks…..thanks to surrogate nanny Kerin.

We both chatted under the stars. So nice feeling. And we gossipped and we exchanged tots and pointers and I realised something…Kerin mei is actually very sensible, jus that she is also GUILLIBLE. But she learn things very fast. Once bitten, twice still bitten but third time will be shy. Jus the 2 of us, we sat there for the whole nite. We talked, we chatted, we drank, we ate….I like the feeling. Comfortable, relaxed, at ease, no stress, jus be myself……that is wat her simplicity meant…..

This morn woke up at 7am. Went to coach and rushed to pick junior up to join deedee, Dina, Dawn, a couple with their mango (male white chihuahua), jeff, lena, coco, brandy…..at pet movers at 1am. After petmovers we went pet mart to shop and swim. All the dogs swam…..and the couple were so protective about their mango….mango is a lucky dog cos he got daddy and mummy to take so good care of him and both daddy and mummy ooooo and aaaaaaaaaahhhhhed over him…..

And junior might wan to join their league too cos he tried to hump mango….ok….my son is really my son…..not too straight too…..and his gong gong (kuku bird) lost to mangos kuku ok…..

After pet movers we went our separate ways.

I drove to sengkang to meet my aunty and I got a new swim suit and I am really so damn happy about it….nothing revealing, jus very sporty type and I wuv it….Thanks to my mum and aunty’s metro vouchers, I only paid like 18.80 for the 2 piece suit when it should cost 63.80…yeah….

Then we went to thomson my eldest aunty’s house to have dinner…mum bought stewed duck, they cooked curry salmon fish head….yummy…..even though I have this huge ulcer on my tongue and its killing me, i went to get the ulcer cream to numb my ulcer and then i tucked myself into a hearty meal of fishhead curry, sarpor beancurd, fried beancurd, mixed vegetables and duck…..

Junior was there but he was whining so much i had to put him in the car in the driveway cos he was tired and he wanted to sleep…poor baby…now he’s KOed on my bed…..

And I am very tired too. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I think i jus need rest, i need a break, i need time off, i need SLEEP. And i need a miracle drug for my ulcer. Having a rest will ensure I can walk a longer distance and hold on longer….

I hate myself. Yet I love myself.

PS: When the road becomes difficult, will there be anyone willing to hold my hand and walk with me? Or is the road too difficult for you continue?

Yesterday the talk with kerin mei brought out many memories. She gave me manyy suggestions and offered me many comfort. Thanks to you kerin mei, but I have everything now except courage and the will to change things. Although I seriously DUN like the way things are now, but its ok….I am a easy going person, things will not be too difficult for me to adapt to.

I jus cant think straight. I dunno the direction I’m heading and I dun see my future. I’m jus really very tired. Why people cant do more of sweet things but they do more of the bitter ones? I take for granted myself. I should lock myself up and practise self discipline. Bye bye. Lao niang going up the mountain to practise WU SHU. Pls leave a message should you have something to say. Cos lao niang will be having a duel with someone…..PS: He no longer plays chess ONLY. So dun worry if you cant find me, I need to “xiu lian” for 10years to attain immortality…

Fisherman 210407

Fisherman village pics….

Fisherman 210407

Fisherman village pics….